How Dumb Do You Have To Be?!!

A good question, and possibly rhetorical if you want it to be.  But I'm thinking more like a reality game show where there's a rush to the bottom to win it all!  Can an average American - white, middle age, overweight and educated thru the public school system become a winner?   Don't sell yourself short!
In this game, the contestant is pitted against his or herself.  The rules are easy - how many ways can you fuck yourself over before descending to the rocky bottom of the dumb pit?  Just total them up (it's called "using addition") and the one with the most ways wins - kind of like being declared the winner of wealth by dying with the most money!  To help get you started, here is Frog's very own on-line preparatory workshop - and it's tuition free!
Lesson 1.  As soon as you are old enough to "get it" (possibly mid to late teens), don't get it so you avoid being labeled a a brainiac, or nerd, or such thing.  Embrace America's dumb down to the most common denominator (oops, more math - sorry) philosophy of making sure each and every student can recognize their full potential by - passing a standardized test!  Show no interest in civics, personal finance, ethnic diversity or any other topics that may actually give you information you'll need to be a productive and responsible member of your community, state and nation.  Minimize time spent reading, especially non-fiction.  And for God's sake, get your first tattoo as soon as you possibly can!!
Lesson 2.  Go to work at a menial labor job or college.  If it's a job, Do Not subscribe to being the best at whatever you are doing!  That's a worn out old Marine Corp motto (or some similar shit).  Plus, this will only cause conflict later in life when you achieve "victim" status.  Take steps to ensure you will be diverted in life - get pregnant, a DUI or cut someone up for kicks.
Lesson 3.  In college, see Lesson 1, and party like you know you can.  It's very important to continue to avoid any financial responsibility.  Borrow away, the banks love you.  Buy more tattoos as they'll serve you well later in life and who needs to save that money for the day you have to buy food and shit.  Also, try to be an athlete and, if you can, be a real good athlete so grades get rubber-stamped and graduation doesn't friggin matter.  You're about the body man (golfers excluded).  Do not yet vote.  You know, it's a hassle to register and then you'll get stuck with jury duty.
Lesson 4.  Now, here's where it gets tricky.  Maybe you've graduated from college.  Big deal.  From what I've seen, this does not mean you've mastered grammar, spelling, speaking or other bothersome forms of communication.   How many times are you using the word "like" in a sentence?   If more than 3, it's all good.  If you didn't graduate, see Lesson 2.  Either way, it's very important to minimize gaining empathy for others.  You and your life is what it's ALL about.   Diversifying your belief system will only lead to curiosity of others and their belief systems.  If you feel religious, let it flourish and feed it with heaping helpings of intolerance. 
Lesson 5.  Now is not the time to take up reading.  Listen to learn as reading is almost as hard as writing.  Hang out only with your kind.  You know who they are.  Now may be the time to join the Republican Party and dumb it down some more by actually believing everything these slimy politicians tell you.  Register to vote, but only vote your party so you don't have learn anything about, you know, the other side.  Civics is boring, and it's way too complicated.  Also, you can still avoid jury duty by pretending you hate the defendant in some sick way (you may not have to pretend!).
Lesson 6.    Do NOT take personal responsibility for your lot in life.  Someone has fucked you along the way and has probably stolen your liberty/freedom/guns.  If you receive government money, deny it and join the tea-party - they'll keep you safe.
Lesson 6.  Always remember, you're right and they're not.

Sooo, ready to play "How Dumb Do You Have To Be"!!  Oh, you're not.  Well, keep practicing and eventually you will beat yourself.